I'm Prepared To Do Anything To Get That Cupcake

thanks to a tweet from taza, i found this fantastic article. i wish i could be this creative!

originally published in the onion (that means it's fake, people), and still really, really true.
i love cupcakes. that is all.

I'm Prepared To Do Anything To Get That Cupcake

By Dwayne Michael Rafferty
January 10, 2007

There is something quite pressing that I must make clear immediately.

I am afraid I am going to have to take that cupcake. That cupcake with the red-colored frosting. The one with the soft, fluffy cake and the white-paper wrapper. Yes, the cupcake that is virtually indistinguishable from the 16 to 20 other cupcakes around me in the office at this time.

This is the sole cupcake I have singled out. Granted, it happened to be the first to enter my field of vision as I came in the room.

The cupcake situated in that location is the cupcake of my desire. The one at which I am at this moment intently staring. That is the cupcake that I will shortly be removing from its wrapper and consuming. The sooner you grasp the reality of this, the easier it will be for all of us.

While the cupcake in question is not, at this time, officially "mine," I wish to make it known, in no uncertain, vague, or ambiguous terms, that under absolutely no circumstances will anyone other than myself be eating that cupcake.

And, yes, this remains true regardless of anyone else's opinions, plans, or intentions vis-à-vis the cupcake and the eating of the cupcake. These are the facts as they stand. I fully intend to make that cupcake there exclusive to my own ingestion, and I can only hope to convey the extreme level of urgency with which this statement is intended.

I am told there are other cupcakes available elsewhere, and, yes, it was certainly a nice gesture on Jan's part to have brought the cupcakes to the office for all to share. I am aware of the myriad arguments against my eating this cupcake. Yet I fail to see what any of these disputations have to do with me. No one understands better than me the complex yet inevitable future of that cupcake, with its multicolored sprinkles, as it pertains to my gullet.

Unfortunately, a compromise of any kind is not going to be a possibility at this point. For I am willing to undertake any task, move any mountain, do all within my power in heaven and earth, to lay my teeth into that specific tasty confection.

I am taking that cupcake.

And there's no conceivable series of events whereby anyone other than me is eating it.

I'm not referring to the white-powdered one, or that one over there with green frosting, or any other cupcake here or anywhere ever in the history of time. Rather, I am resolute and steadfast in my unblinking fixation on a very specific cupcake now almost within arm's reach, with a lopsided top and an appealing pile of crumbs surrounding it.

Undoubtedly, my plans do not include walking across the room to the box of cupcakes from whence this cupcake originally came. I want the red one. I do not care whether or not there are numerous red ones "exactly like it" in the aforementioned box. I am not interested in irrelevant information about other cupcakes. No, the truth is, that red cupcake that I previously indicated is the cupcake for me.

I do not want to hear about the cupcake place down the street that delivers. Nor do I wish to recall the cupcake from last week that was given me despite a coworker's obvious eagerness to eat it herself. Those are entirely different, separate cupcakes that have no bearing on my relationship with the one in question, the one I have selected. Those are abstract cupcakes that, as of now, exist only in the mind—purely hypothetical cupcakes that have no constructive place in this scenario.

In no way are any personal dynamics, motivations, or animosities entering this equation. It is simply a matter over which no one has any control. The matter of the cupcake is not open to negotiation.

Now, on to the pressing matter of that tall, refreshing glass of milk.

two hundred and one

(image via ffffound)

i've been all over ffffound, etsy, and crafty blogs lately. i've been crafting a lot in what little time i have to myself. i'll blog more about it later, but right now i'm just too tired.

Happy Birthday to my Blog!

his, ladies and gents, is my 200th post! let's eat some cake, shall we?

(photo via cake wrecks)

i'm celebrating with you by sharing some funny names of babies that were recently born in the rochester area. is this mean? i hope not. i love a good baby name story/share fest. there's never a shortage of kooky names, espcially in utah, but rochester has pulled through with a few good examples. here are some of my favorites--and happy birthday to these babies as well!

(first name/middle name)

Journey Dior
Gavin Rossdale
Giovanni Montreal
Ko'Zier Lamonttay
KenTrell Harlem
Jazirah Moenea
Trinity Allen Timothy
I'mani Liyah
Shy'mere Daryl Shawntae
Natoria Na'je
Ty'Zaree Marie
Le'nir Sione
Lee'shawn Qu'ran
Ze'Miyah Nevaeh and Ze'Mirah Heaven

and last but not least...

Juh'nyia Ty'janeak Jisonie


*click here for proof that i am NOT making any of these up*

toss/try/buy

i was reading my newest marie claire today and saw the feature "toss, try, buy." i was planning on doing a makeup/product review soon, so i thought, why not now?! here is my own little version...if you have any additions, let me know for future posts!
i want to make this a regular feature.

TOSS
(sephora tinted moisturizer)

i got it because i wanted to try something new after using the cover girl stuff for so long, and when i sampled it at the store it seemed pretty good. i was so wrong! this stuff makes your skin super oily and basically just sits on the surface of the skin instead of actually being absorbed and, oh, i don't know, MOISTURIZING. after using it for a month, i'm really fed up and plan on going back to the cheapo cover girl stuff, which never gave me problems. i guess change isn't always good.

TRY
(l'oreal everpure)

i picked up this shampoo because it finally gave me what i was looking for: color protection and moisture. it's hard to find a system that does both, and does it well, that isn't too expensive (well, at least for me). i was pleasantly surprised with it, and it kept my highlights bright for a really long time, and moisturized well. it's great because it doesn't contain sulfates, which is one of the worst things for your hair, especially colored hair. it also smells wonderful! if you're in the market for something new, i suggest you give this a try.

BUY
(dior diorshow mascara in black)

BUY!!! buy now!! there is a reason this mascara is voted #1 every year. its been a bestseller at sephora for years, and is just overall amazing. it doesn't clump, doesn't come off and flake during the day (something i struggle with), and comes off very easily. i'm so glad i was finally able to get it and will NEVER go back to anything else!!

20sb Blog Swap Day!

I've swapped blogs today for the 20something bloggers blog swap. I have a post over at Bridget's blog, Yellaphant.com, so go check it out!
________________________________

I actually used to be relatively normal

Hello my name is Bridget and I'm an alcoholic. Just kidding, ya'll I just had no idea how to get this thing started. Like I said, I'm Bridget and I usually spend my time over at my blog, Yellaphant.com, where I write about life after college, the upcoming wedding to the lurve of my life, our soon to be happening move from Philadelphia to Boston, our dog (who's kind of a jerk), and everything else in my life that has lead me to where I am today. What I'm trying to say is, it's is a look at everything that makes me crazy. In the best, worst, and craziest type of crazy way.

Since I've been paired up with Tara for our 20 Something blog swap, I've been doing a bit of poking around over here. As soon as I saw that picture on her front page of that chick faceplanting into a potted plant, I knew we had a lot in common. Then I actually read the post and realized it wasn't her. But then I read even more posts, and realized that we actually do have a lot in common. Like our love of books, fascination with fashion, and our appreciation for our families.

But reading up over here also made me appreciate the journey that I've taken from Tara's position as a relatively fresh, doe-eyed college grad, to a slightly more wizened, a bit more weathered, and definitely more driven 20-something trying to make a name for myself in the world. What better time, I thought, than to teach what I have learned in life in the real world so far? So without further ado ...

1) Don't think you always have to play by the rule. There are always exceptions.

2) If you don't know the answer to something, just start singing, loudly. The first song that comes in to your head. If they ask again, just sing louder. Works every time.

3) Always hit the save button.

4) Yes, you can have one more drink.

5) Don't underestimate the importance of being surrounded by your friends.

6) It is not acceptable office policy to throw your computer out the window and stab the intern with your pen.

7) Read more.

8) Turn up the volume.

9) Always try to anticipate what your boss is going to ask you to do next, and do it first. If you're not good at this, find the best hiding spot in the office. I recommend the giant plant behind the water cooler.

10) And finally, when in doubt, just laugh.

a smorgasbord of tasty treats

dearest readers,
you can stop the search party. i've returned to the blogosphere.
thank you for sticking with me. this is probably the millionth time that i've gone missing for so long, so if you're still here, congrats. you're awesome. (see image <------) the reason for my absence is simple: i spend 8.5 hours a day on a computer, surfing the internet and researching subjects i know nothing about, writing anywhere from 2400 to 3600 words per day (4-6 articles, 600 words each). my eyes hurt, i'm completely drained of all energy, and the last thing i want to think about is coming home and writing something else (that i'm not getting paid for). i'm working at a small marketing (?) agency in a neighboring town, writing web content for our clients. it pays well and gets me out of the house (not to mention making my writing skills absolutely stellar), so i'm not complaining. i got the phone call offering me the job and started the next day. can you say whirlwind? it's pretty much been nonstop since then, with the trip last weekend and everything else in my life. so there's your explanation. at least it's not lame like every other time i've gone missing. if you've been following me on twitter you know i've been very alive. luckily i have a twitter dashboard client on my work computer so i can keep up with everything. i'm learning tons about social media, both from my writing and from the people i follow on twitter. it's amazing the resources that are out there and the people who want to HELP you for FREE. i love how it's bringing people together. is that pathetic?

hmmm lets see, what else do i have for you?

oh yes, did you see "The T.O. Show" last night on Vh1? i was flipping between that at kathy griffin (naturally), but it was...entertaining (t.o.= terrell owens, notorious NFL bad boy). elizabeth and i have developed a newfound love for T.O. ever since it was announced he was playing for the buffalo bills for a year. we follow him on twitter (so very entertaining) and plan to go to bills training camp (just down the street from us) whenver we can and express our love.

hopefully my life will be much more exciting in the coming weeks. some things i'm looking forward to this week include...
*ellen degeneres as a guest judge on sytycd tomorrow. brilliant. can't wait to hear her commentary!
*my biffle kevin being done with TFA institute and making a stopover in rachacha for a few nights, and i get him all to myself
*clare coming home for the weekend from baltimore, and hopefully a GNO (hahaha) on friday
*checking this book out of the library and finishing this one

so yeah, i guess i have a full week ahead of me. hopefully i can stay awake during it (did i mention i'm weaning myself off of D.C.? hardest thing ever.)

ok, i'll leave you with those tasty treats i promised!

BFF kevin's fantastic solo


Posh Spice hearts me

expelliarmus!

harry potter and the half blood prince...

have you seen it yet?

if you haven't, i suggest you go soon.

best HP movie yet!

while you're here...why don't you head on over to sparxoo and check out my most recent post...it's also about harry potter!

can't wait for the seventh (and seventh and a half...?) movies next year!

jon minus 9 + 1

happy monday everyone.

how do we all feel about jon gosselin's classy new broad, hailey glassman?

(image via ontd via her facebook)

i think the situation has reached a whole new level.

i'm still not team kate, but i'm definitely team kids.

what about you?

pull shapes!

a few years ago my mom and i were at the mall doing what we do best (shopping). i was in (dare i say it?) american eagle (i've since learned my lesson!) and this cute song started playing. my mom loved it so much that she went home and downloaded it.

the song--pull shapes by the pipettes. you've probably never heard of them.

ever since, it's become this little fun song we always sing with my little cousins when we're together. yesterday on our trip to the mall we listened to it about 3 times in a row, by natalie's request. "put on puww shapes!" she says. so here's a little vid of her bopping along. she's a little camera shy, i swear she was more animated when she wasn't being filmed! be jealous of what cute cousins i have :)




and here's the song if you're interested! so fun for just a little dance party.

vacationnn

my new job was nice enough to let me keep my vacation plans to visit these kiddos:


in saratoga (and a stint in vermont) until sunday...

see you on monday, bloggy bears.

rockin' wayfarers

so elizabeth's dad travels to china every now and then for work, and always picks up treats when he's there. a few trips ago he got eliz some (faux) ray-bans that look good enough to pass for the real thing. so when i heard he was going back, i asked if he could pick some up for me as well! (mr. c is awesome). so last week they finally arrived! i admit, they look hot, and i feel like a million bucks (yen?) wearing them around.

so as an official owner of ray-bans, i logged on to the Web site to poke around. if you've never been to ray-ban.com, i highly suggest a visit. it's so fun! and interactive! i may even join the ray-ban community. (do you think they can tell mine are fake??) here are some screenshots to get the hype going...

light the fuse....
and BOOM! paint exlposion!
doodle your own pair of wayferers. mine are pink, obvi
hope everyone had a happy 4th of july! fairport is celebrating a bit early with fireworks at 7:30 pm...oh fairport.

"happy birthday awesomerica!"

(post title via @rainnwilson)

happy 4th of july!!

wishing i was here...

running down 23rd st. in the rain and sitting on the steps of the lincoln memorial watching the fireworks...sigh.

edited to add: just watch, it's brilliant!

unemployment gives me lots of time to read and tweet

my favorite thing about twitter is how close you can get to famous people. i could go @ Adam Lambert (@adamlambert) right now and he would totally see what i wrote to him. same goes with rainn wilson (@rainnwilson) and britney spears (@britneyspears). so cool! twitter is more than telling people where you are or what you're doing or what you're reading. it's an easy (and free!) way to connect to people around the world.

one of the "celebs" that i follow is jen lancaster (@altgeldshrugged), one of my favorite authors. she's awesome because she's totally down to earth and just writes what she feels and what she knows. get ready to laugh when you read her stuff- some of the wittiest writing ever.

not only do i love her books (i've read 2 of the 4 and have the other 2 on loan from the library right now), i love how she gets her fans involved in everything. in additon to her writing career, she keeps her blog jennsylvania updated with lots of cool stuff. as a lead up to her newest book coming out in may, she had a "show me your 80s" month and had readers and fans send her their most hilarious photos of 80s hair and fashion (the book was all about her 80s childhood). she also gave away signed copies of her books to the winners.

can you think of any other celebrity/author who interacts with fans that much? i love it!

when i'm that famous, i promise to do that, too.

now go read her books!
Bitter is the New Black
Bright Lights, Big A$$
Such a Pretty Fat
Pretty in Plaid